If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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