I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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