I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
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He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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