I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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