remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
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Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
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But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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