Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
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Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
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It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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