Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
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he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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