Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
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I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
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