Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
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I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
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I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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