I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
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I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
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Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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