there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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