I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
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There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
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I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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