This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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