So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize