i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
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I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
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No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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