some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize