Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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