He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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