I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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