sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
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Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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