I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize