Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
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I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
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I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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