I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize