Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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