i already hear my dad disowning me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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