the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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