Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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