your parents love me but you hate me
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She even gives head with a lisp.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize