Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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