I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize