to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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