Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize