All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize