I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize