so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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