I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's rum buckets o'clock
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