Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
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Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
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You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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