Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
even my farts smell like vagina
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
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I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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