Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize