Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize