There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
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I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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