My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
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Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
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I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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