You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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