this beer tastes like vomit already
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize