1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize