i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I wish you could order shots online.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
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You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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