Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize