Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
How does one acquire holy water?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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