The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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