we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize